Close your eyes… and imagine hearing these words being spoken…
We are coming to the front of our mats…. Placing feet hip distance apart…
Inhaling deeply through our nostrils… connecting to the mat with our feet…. We are feeling strong in mountain pose… exhaling completely and cleansingly through our nostrils
Now imagine them coming out of this face:
Please stop laughing…
Are you finished yet?
I can wait……
Yes Judi and I attended a Level one instructors course for prospective yoga instructors…
10 hours Saturday and 10 hours Sunday…
And yes… before you even ask… I was the only dude in the class
We learned an awful lot about the how's and whys of yoga…
I do think that my favorite part was the "sharing circle" where we would join hands and speak what was in our hearts…
Oh we still have a few more hurdles to clear before we are certified… and ya know… I just might do it…
Nagging injury including a knee that may one day spell the end of my running days
I mean I have been training… but the intensity is not there… the desire and focus to do something great is fleeting at best…
yaknowwhatImean?
Been feeling a bit like Austin Powers when he lost his mojo…
I'm not sure if you know this but Dylan Thomas (I call him DT because we're boys like that…) Wrote this poem to/about his father. His dad was a former Badassmofo soldier… but he was growing older and ill…
My boy DT wanted his dad to fight… get well… and his dad was, quite literally, sick and tired.
Until recently I've always read this poem from DT's POV… when I read this poem a few weeks ago trying desperately to find my mojo I was quite surprised to find that my "frail deeds might have danced in a green bay" . I began to see things as DT's dad might in a "been there done that and got the finisher's t-shirt to boot" kind if way… Having experienced victory and defeat many times the glory of the former nor the pain of the latter did much to motivate him.
I am a former soldier, although not a battle weary one… I have been doing endurance sports for 20 years… I've done Ironman… a 3:3X marathon… a 1:3X half… RATS… a 5:0X half Ironman… and the last 4 of those all since I turned 40.. I had a string of PRs in 2009-2010 in almost all distances and disciplines but… age and health… and all right dammit… all right… COMFORT has begun to set in… it's much easier to rage when you think it is your time … or that you haven't ever reached your potential… and you are angry at yourself for not trying… or trying harder…
But no… my affliction is one that can prove to be the hardest to overcome…. I am happy… and many days leaning to content
And I'm sure that most of you know… raging our kind of raging does not happen on a couch… or reading the paper in bed on Sunday morning with a kitty cat on our lap… it's hard work… day in and day out… it's diet… it's the sacrifice of *not* doing what comes easy.
So that's where I have been for months… no clear goal that gets me out of bed every morning at 0415… or makes me turn away from that last brownie… oh, I have been training… out of rote…. Out of habit (a good one) and because I like doing it…
I devised my 100 days of cycling… today is day 53 and while I have missed a few days I am well above 53 rides due to the fact that I have ridded 2x on many of these 53 days. There has however, been no focus… no burning… a decided lack of rage
But today, finally I feel different… I feel a spark of rage… it started with my run today at lunch I decided that I was going to just run by feel a 9:30ish pace w/o ever consulting my watch and just enjoy running as if it were my last run.
Three miles in George Jones sang "I don't need your Rocking chair" and I sang along… and picked up the pace… and said hellyeah tell 'em George!
and then during my last mile… running smoothly… breathing easily I heard
Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.
Till the smoke clears out and my high wear out
I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse.
and thus… begins my new credo… my rage is back… I used to have this mindset that I was virtually indestructible and while that sounds reckless and irresponsible… I also think that many of us we never get close to doing all that we can do.
I have this quote on the wall next to my desk"
"If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself there you have remained. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing." Saint Augustine
PRs… better watch the f_ck out… and really PRs be dammed that's not what it's about anyway… I like the suffering… the attempting of what even daring to think of scares us the rewards it brings… success or failure... We are not indestructible… but we are capable of achieving so much more than we think possible
RATS – The race where the finish line is a very special place… and we do so look forward to arriving there…. We do not, however, look forward to the finish line so that the race will be over… we long to get there because that is where we have planned to meet up with our friends…
And so it is… the finish line is bittersweet on the final day… we all want a hot shower…. And air conditioning…. And beer..
But really… as we get closer to Moab on the final day and we start to see cars and tourists… it is a bit of a buzzkill…
We know that soon we will have to part ways… and go back to real life.
But not before we gather once again for a post-race party at Milt's
This gathering is its own kind of revelation of sorts… our friends old and new are all cleaned up… sometimes a bit hard to recognize in street clothes versus the trail/desert garb to which we have grown accustomed.
As I mentioned before this race was a reunion of sorts for my dear old friends from the Listserv world
The whole crew:
Left to right Gregor, Joel, Greg, Kurt, LMS, Leslie, Judi, me
The afterparty after a week of being together… we still wanted to, well… be together
And then we had to say our goodbyes… great people, great memories.
Joel in his BAS-TURD shirt
On the way home we had a nice dinner with Tri-Dead Richard in Denver…
And after a long night of travel (someone thought the redeye from Denver to Miami was a good idea) we arrived, a bit bedraggled, back in Jacksonville…
Oh, I had gotten a little sleep on the plane… and when I slept I dreamed… I dreamed of the desert and of running there with my friends
(I managed to make myself tear up at my own report… I guess I am soft)
